It was a very nice carving pumpkin, so I knew whatever I carved on it had to live up to high standards. What better than to celebrate the benefactor?
Damn, girl. Them's some ugly.
Sort of like the makeup on a teenage whore.
A sad story, the fender has been shunned by even my mop and her boyfriend, the burned pot holder.
Really, I'm just that strong.
I'm singing Queen in my head now, are you?
Next best thing to a headlight.
I know nothing about Picasa, but as far as I can tell, it doesn't exist for Macs and my photo is staying sideways.
Somethings should be more than 2 feet long, but not handlebars.
I guess it's sort of like having one boob a whole lot bigger than the other. Or one nad. Or whatever.
He's so awesome that he only uses his firebreathing ability to roast marshmellows. And veggie kebabs.
No, thank you.
There's nothing sexier than a man with an analog camera in his hard.An artificial appropriation of different styles from different eras, the hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture lost in the superficiality of its past and unable to create any new meaning. Not only is it unsustainable, it is suicidal. While previous youth movements have challenged the dysfunction and decadence of their elders, today we have the “hipster” – a youth subculture that mirrors the doomed shallowness of mainstream society.
Take a stroll down the street in any major North American or European city and you’ll be sure to see a speckle of fashion-conscious twentysomethings hanging about and sporting a number of predictable stylistic trademarks: skinny jeans, cotton spandex leggings, fixed-gear bikes, vintage flannel, fake eyeglasses and a keffiyeh – initially sported by Jewish students and Western protesters to express solidarity with Palestinians, the keffiyeh has become a completely meaningless hipster cliché fashion accessory.This new idea of Western youth trying to be fashionable, dear God, is going to kill society. Nevermind that there is nothing wrong with wearing skinny jeans or vintage flannel or fake eyeglasses or leggings (although I personally agree that leggings are God awful). And let's not even get started on how horrible this appropriation of a meaningful symbol in the name of fashion is. This is much worse and more meaningless than wider society's adoption of Che Guevara, DARE t-shirts, POW/MIA soldier name bracelets during Vietnam, or Livestrong bracelets as markers of cool.
The American Apparel V-neck shirt, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Parliament cigarettes are symbols and icons of working or revolutionary classes that have been appropriated by hipsterdom and drained of meaning. Ten years ago, a man wearing a plain V-neck tee and drinking a Pabst would never be accused of being a trend-follower. But in 2008, such things have become shameless clichés of a class of individuals that seek to escape their own wealth and privilege by immersing themselves in the aesthetic of the working class.Yes, these three items have become completely devoid of meaning. They have lost the historical significance they may have once had. PBR was one of the defining brews that appeared in the US in the late 1800's, and it could truly be seen as a symbol for American history and should be upheld with such honor. The fact that today's working classes almost invariably prefer Bud Light has nothing to do with whether or not PBR still symbolizes them. Shame on hipsters for imbibing it, this symbol of such patriotism, when they could be drinking the even more tasteless, more popular beer of the contemporary working class--even if Budweiser isn't even an American company anymore. It's not what the damn beer is, it's what it stands for.
This obsession with “street-cred” reaches its apex of absurdity as hipsters have recently and wholeheartedly adopted the fixed-gear bike as the only acceptable form of transportation – only to have brakes installed on a piece of machinery that is defined by its lack thereof.
Lovers of apathy and irony, hipsters are connected through a global network of blogs and shops that push forth a global vision of fashion-informed aesthetics. Loosely associated with some form of creative output, they attend art parties, take lo-fi pictures with analog cameras, ride their bikes to night clubs and sweat it up at nouveau disco-coke parties. The hipster tends to religiously blog about their daily exploits, usually while leafing through generation-defining magazines like Vice, Another Magazine and Wallpaper. This cursory and stylized lifestyle has made the hipster almost universally loathed.What makes all this all the more horrible is the fact that hipsters are using modern technology, specifically the internet, to be connected. Can you imagine?! Science has given them all sorts of tools, and the bastards are using them. To do WHAT? To plan ART PARTIES? You must be kidding. I bet they even display analog photos at these, which is completely absurd. Analog photography has never in the history of the world, had any historical or artistic importance. It's a completely worthless technology, and has always been! But let's get back to those art parties. The fact that these kids are creating anything, no matter how trite, is beyond contemptable. Couldn't they play a video game or something? Instead, they're purchasing art supplies, selling art, and having parties about it, as if art is supposed to accessible and fun. This is without a doubt the "dead end" of civilization. Personally, I would be thrilled if we were to reinstate the Academy that ruled the art world at the turn of the century. I don't want to look at Picasso or Mondrian or even those panderers like Monet or Manet. I want a classically styled portrait, and I want it now.
"These hipster zombies… are the idols of the style pages, the darlings of viral marketers and the marks of predatory real-estate agents,” wrote Christian Lorentzen in a Time Out New York article entitled ‘Why the Hipster Must Die.’ “And they must be buried for cool to be reborn.”Once again, Haddow hits upon an important point here. It is the completely the hipsters' fault that style pages and viral marketers and real-estate agents are attracted to them. Can you believe that they let these "culture" and "style" magazines cover their pages with the fashions these hipsters have chosen? And can you beleive that they allow our Western, capitalistic society to market to them, trying to sell them goods and services? I know that viral campaigns are often online and that it makes sense to use that tactic to try and target consumers who use the internet, but as we already discussed above, the hipster shouldn't be online. It's the rest of us that should be the objects of these marketing campaigns.
With nothing to defend, uphold or even embrace, the idea of “hipsterdom” is left wide open for attack. And yet, it is this ironic lack of authenticity that has allowed hipsterdom to grow into a global phenomenon that is set to consume the very core of Western counterculture. Most critics make a point of attacking the hipster’s lack of individuality, but it is this stubborn obfuscation that distinguishes them from their predecessors, while allowing hipsterdom to easily blend in and mutate other social movements, sub-cultures and lifestyles.Here, Haddow writes the obvious, that hipsters have "nothing to defend, uphold, or embrace." Why else would he write an entire 2,013 word article about them? Undertaking such a challenge clearly underscores and illustrates his prowess as a writer. He's taken a worthless topic and written an entire an essay--and to say that isn't impressive would be a blatant lie. And to suggest that it's the lack of indivuality that sets them apart, what an irony! The fact that they "blend in and mutate other social movements, sub-cultures and lifestyles" beautifully illustrates this lack of indivuality of authenticity and individuality. We all know it's impossible for anyone to have interests that lie in more than subculture, movement, or lifestyle--real individuals are devoted entirely to only one of these. The fact that this idea--that people can bridge interests, movements, and lifestyles--is going global is truly terrifying. We must act now to prevent any type of--gasp--global unity. We cannot afford to allow any sort of international community to develop, especially one that overcomes gaps between different cultural groups. Oh, the inauthenticity that would result!
What is WRONG with McInnes?! He isn't mad at hipsters for "going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable"? How does he not understand the sheer magnitude of the crime that these kids are committing against the entirity of Western civilization!? Young people? Having FUN? It's hard to believe that the cops haven't gotten involved, that Senate hearings haven't been convened, and that the issue hasn't come before the UN Security Council. I hope these groups pull their shit together--and pull it together soon.Gavin McInnes, one of the founders of Vice, who recently left the magazine, is considered to be one of hipsterdom’s primary architects. But, in contrast to the majority of concerned media-types, McInnes, whose “Dos and Don’ts” commentary defined the rules of hipster fashion for over a decade, is more critical of those doing the criticizing.
“I’ve always found that word [“hipster”] is used with such disdain, like it’s always used by chubby bloggers who aren’t getting laid anymore and are bored, and they’re just so mad at these young kids for going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable,” he says. “I’m dubious of these hypotheses because they always smell of an agenda.”
Punks wear their tattered threads and studded leather jackets with honor, priding themselves on their innovative and cheap methods of self-expression and rebellion. B-boys and b-girls announce themselves to anyone within earshot with baggy gear and boomboxes. But it is rare, if not impossible, to find an individual who will proclaim themself a proud hipster. It’s an odd dance of self-identity – adamantly denying your existence while wearing clearly defined symbols that proclaims it.Seriously. These punks with their "cheap and innovative methods of self-expression and rebellion" (none of these inexpensive vintage clothes or art parties) and these b-boys and b-girls (who drive to bars in Escalades blaring rap, so much less obnoxious than those pestering kids on fixed gears) are exactly what we should all aspire to be. Not only should we adopt a group identity, but we should be proud of it and proclaim it to anyone who listens. The fact that, as Haddow has already demonstrated, the label of "hipster" is worthless and empty means that there is absolutely no reason for these kids--or anyone else--to deny being a hipster. Hell, from now on I'll be referring to everyone I know as hipsters.
Perhaps the true motivation behind this deliberate nonchalance is an attempt to attract the attention of the ever-present party photographers, who swim through the crowd like neon sharks, flashing little blasts of phosphorescent ecstasy whenever they spot someone worth momentarily immortalizing.Completely true. People at other parties and of other social groups do not enjoy taking photos and having photos taken. Ever been to a sorority party? Now that's a social group that abhors the camera, hiding from it at every chance. Obviously, the only real solution to this hipster-photo problem is for all of us to adopt the values of the college Greek system.
In many ways, the lifestyle promoted by hipsterdom is highly ritualized. Many of the party-goers who are subject to the photoblogger’s snapshots no doubt crawl out of bed the next afternoon and immediately re-experience the previous night’s debauchery. Red-eyed and bleary, they sit hunched over their laptops, wading through a sea of similarity to find their own (momentarily) thrilling instant of perfected hipster-ness.Once again, I have to advocate the sorority life style in response to this rather obvious and hipster-specific fact.
Haddow writes almost as if we are living in a capitalistic country, as if our entire economy is built around people trying to sell us--any of us--anything we'll buy. What a foolish idea! If this were really true, there'd be an Urban Outfitters and an American Apparel in every major American city. Moreover, hipsters would be completely unaware of the fact that these two stores existed solely for the purpose of selling their own "culture" back to them at a profit.
What they may or may not know is that “cool-hunters” will also be skulking the same sites, taking note of how they dress and what they consume. These marketers and party-promoters get paid to co-opt youth culture and then re-sell it back at a profit. In the end, hipsters are sold what they think they invent and are spoon-fed their pre-packaged cultural livelihood.
Hipsterdom is the first “counterculture” to be born under the advertising industry’s microscope, leaving it open to constant manipulation but also forcing its participants to continually shift their interests and affiliations. Less a subculture, the hipster is a consumer group – using their capital to purchase empty authenticity and rebellion. But the moment a trend, band, sound, style or feeling gains too much exposure, it is suddenly looked upon with disdain. Hipsters cannot afford to maintain any cultural loyalties or affiliations for fear they will lose relevance.Haddow is completely right, once again. The advertising industry, a very recent development, is only now, in the 21st century, beginning to capitalize on "countercultures" in the Western world. I mean, just because Woodstock, the apex of the 1960's countercultural movement, was planned as an extremely profitable, moneymaking, capitalist event (and was almost successful at this) means nothing. The youth movements of the 1960's were full of integrity, completely lacking consumerism. Honestly, considering the genuine purity and selflessness of all those involved in the movement, it's amazing they're not still continuing today.
An amalgamation of its own history, the youth of the West are left with consuming cool rather that creating it. The cultural zeitgeists of the past have always been sparked by furious indignation and are reactionary movements. But the hipster’s self-involved and isolated maintenance does nothing to feed cultural evolution. Western civilization’s well has run dry. The only way to avoid hitting the colossus of societal failure that looms over the horizon is for the kids to abandon this vain existence and start over.
The half-built condos tower above us like foreboding monoliths of our yuppie futures. I take a look at one of the girls wearing a bright pink keffiyah and carrying a Polaroid camera and think, “If only we carried rocks instead of cameras, we’d look like revolutionaries.” But instead we ignore the weapons that lie at our feet – oblivious to our own impending demise."If only we carried rocks!" Haddow laments, helpless in his own impotency. If only! If only! What creates any great movement, cultural or countercultural is a great leader. In recent struggles of Palestinians and even hipsters, cameras have acted as inaluable tools. In fact, cameras might be the greatest non-violent weapon of today. Perhaps if Haddow was to motivate and organize his peers instead of nitpicking and deriding, today's youth would be out doing something like registering their peers to vote, or inventing new film movements,
We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new.
If you want to read more, you can see the website here, and you can read about the Austin itenerary here. In any case, because the event is to raise money, they asked for volunteers. And who volunteered? Yours truly, of course. The job I volunteered for required TABC certification, and since mine expired in July, I needed to renew Fortunately, the Tour is going to reimburse me, but that doesn't change the fact that taking the certification course is literally painful.
If I drink this, will my sinus infection go away or will my fetus die? Will I be happy about it or sad about it?
Wooo! We're all drunkards!
Only lonely people go crazy.
To sum these two slides up, pretty much any asshole or whore in a bar probably could be underage. This is very helpful.
You'd be terrefied too if you'd shat yourself insane.
I just really don't think that photo is necessary.
Are you laughing at me yet?
